Martian Child

Two words! Lucky...Charms!

I am referring to the 2007 movie with John Cusack called "Martian Child." I watched it yesterday and fell in love with this movie! First of all I would love to have the amount of patience that John Cusack's character has in this movie! Second the story is great and every parent, soon to be or wanna be parent needs to see this! It is about a widowed writer who wants to adopt and selects the weirdest kid, who thinks he is from Mars and spends most of his time in a box, because he sees himself in that child and knows exactly how different he feels!

This movie helps us remember to embrace being different and to embrace others who are different. What is normal anyway? I would love to know! (said sarcastically) :-) This movie has everything to do with trying to be human!

So watch it and let me know what you think!

What is your vice?

So what is your vice in life?

Mine is TV! I could find something to watch every hour of the day! Even when I did not have cable. Why is that? Is it because of the lack of involvement it takes to be entertained nonstop or what? It is like an obsession with me! I craved the next show and those networks know exactly how to keep you hanging wanting more.

What disasters I created by being a couch potato! Huge pile of laundry, clean dishes in the dishwasher needing to be put up and then reloaded with the sink full of dirty dishes awaiting their turn, kids addicted to their video games as to not distract me while I am watching TV. My husband spending lots of time in the garage or him joining the potato fest I had created. Not to mention the extra pounds that had taken up residence in my midsection! Talk about always feeling overwhelmed by all the tasks that lay before me because of this!

So coming from a background of addictive behaviors I knew I had to get drastic! So I got rid of cable! Antennas don't work anymore and I never got a digital converter so I don't have that either. What I do have is my DVD library and Netflix and that is it! All of a sudden I have time I never knew existed! My laundry pile is not near as massive. (Which I would rather clean toilets than do laundry and I truly believe is a punishment from God because of the fall of Adam and Eve! We could be nudists with no laundry to do if weren't for them!) Anyway, I garden, take photographs of nature, ride bikes with my kids, sit underneath the umbrella in my backyard and talk to my husband for hours about all kinds of things. All this because I don't have this vice anymore that seemed to beg for my attention. Oh did I mention the $100 dollars I am saving a month?

I of course HATED it at first but, then got busy doing all the things I needed to catch up on. I watched a ton of movies at first to fill my TV void but, on it's own the watching of movies has faded tremendously. For the past three weeks I still haven't watched all three of my Netflix movies! I sit in awe of not having the need to watch TV anymore! I also sit in awe of the fact that I start feeling majorly convicted about not having spent enough time playing with my kids at the end of each day! So now, instead of them trying to get my attention in a negative way, because I wasn't giving them the time of day, they now get my attention by the increase in hugs they give and the "Your the best mom ever!" compliment so often! Man if I knew I was going to get that verbal award I would have stopped watching a lot sooner!

I have stopped being so lazy about disciplining my children. I don't yell at them anymore and give a thousand warnings and then fly off the handle in anger! I tell them once and lay down the ground rules and if they choose not to do them then they know that mommy sticks to her word now and that they will be grounded. Things are just way more harmonious and less negative. Let's face it media is not all that optimistic these days. So I pick and choose what news I want in on by reading the paper or internet.

My awareness of how selfish I am is evident! Do I want my kids to treat their children and spouses one day the way I have treated them and their father?!? The answer is clearly NO! So it is my responsibility to sacrifice accordingly and with joy! Not like some person who is upset and irritable due to detoxing! So that way my family knows I am joyous about loving them the way I am supposed to instead of filling my selfish desire.

So... giving up the things we think we cannot live without is challenging but, the benefits are great! And there are more benefits that occur that you never knew would!

So post what your vice is and tell me what you would like to do about it or have done and how it has or will affect your life! I like hearing how you are only human too!

Fathers trying to be men

I could really go on my soapbox here so let me try and lasso my words.

Have you ever wondered why you are the way you are? Especially when it comes to the faults and weaknesses you have? In almost every case it boils down to the relationship you had with your father.

There are studies that prove this! Look it up! Are you constantly seeking affection and attention and sex from others but, it only giving you a moment of gratification rather than a lifetime? You do this because of your dad or uh lack of dad! You are unconsciously trying to fill in the lack of attention and care your father was supposed to give you. And or you are doing things out of rebellion so you will get his attention. You just have never realized that is what you are doing. This list of lets say bad decisions, situations and current horrible outcomes, could go on forever but, hopefully you get the point so I am moving on.

So what is the deal with all this? Why did my father fail me? Well in a summary, no one taught him how to be a man!! In this generation our own fathers were mostly raised by fathers (your current grandpa)who took the John Wayne approach to raising and disciplining kids. There were things said such as, "Because I said so!" and "I am busy..." and as far as disciplining it was a spanking with a switch or a belt and that's it! No follow through on why or loving moment afterward saying "I hate doing this but if I didn't do this I would not be a man of my word and I love you enough to do this so you learn to make right decisions." Followed by a hug.

What I just said is completely foreign to most men. Some men were abused or God forbid taken advantage of in inappropriate ways. Some men never even had a father present or if it was like my own dad, he was present in the room but, was absent in every other aspect. There was no example of a compassionate, generous, just, merciful, unselfish and sincere man to be a copy of.

Only a man can teach a boy how to be a man!

You may have had the best mother ever but, there are things we females will always lack when it comes to raising our sons to be men.

If there could only be one parent to a child, the most vital person that child would need, boy or girl, would be their father! I have heard this from psychologists, counselors and read articles about this being true.

So studies show the following things occur when there is a deficiency in the relationship between child and father:

Promiscuity

Impulsive behavior

Addictions to: sex, alcohol, drugs, pornography..etc.

Commitment issues

A struggle with sexual identity

Narcissistic behaviour

Rages of Anger

Depression

A host of serious psychological problems that can lead to molesting others, hurting others, voyeurism etc.

Are you getting the picture yet?

So what needs to done?

Well if you are a person with any of the problems listed above I suggest you take my advice and realize that your decision making process is not normal right now. Seek brutal honesty from those closest to you and don't be in denial when you hear it. Just let it soak in and realize they love you enough to tell you and have stuck out life with you despite the issues you have. Ask them what you should do. Remember don't make that decision yourself at this point!!

Now if you are a man reading this and realize you are seriously lacking as a father, do the same thing!! Seek brutal honesty. If married, first seek it from your wife. Listen to her! She loves you and has stuck with you despite your insufficiency's. Then find the example of a man you admire and seek it from him as well. Seek mentoring so one day you can do the same!

If you don't have an admirable example around start questioning the possibility of changing your environment. Seek counseling if need be. Remember the future of your children's actions rest upon your performance as a father. Your son(s) will only mirror the examples they see!

Wives.. fight for this! Have faith in your husband! Stop nagging him and start loving him as unselfishly as you can. Tell him you appreciate him and you have no idea on what it is to be a man but, that you want him to be the best at his role, as a father and husband. Show huge amounts of forgiveness and grace with each other because your only human!

Uncertainty

Not sure where this will lead, but others have told me I should start blogging. What will this blog be about? Well let's see.... a little bit of truth of life's experiences with some honesty, mixed with hopefully wisdom, definitely some failures, a dash of hards times followed with a whole lot of gratefulness.

A warning to you though! Never take one person's advice as absolute truth. No one person has all the answers. My advice and wisdom may not be the best way for you. Consider all your options, pros, cons etc. then, make choices based on your own convictions! What was successful for one may not be for the other. Will I fail you? Maybe! But am I okay with it? Yep! Why? Because I know it would never be on purpose. Hopefully you are gracious as am I and take all things with a grain of salt.

Okay so who am I? Well I think for now I am going to leave it a mystery! That way I can have the freedom of really putting it out there for you without being to embarrassed about it! But I will give you a few broad facts about me:

I am a mom of more than one child,

I am a wife,

I believe in God,

there, I think that will do for now! Will probably share more along the way but I really look forward to posting more about being human and sharing life with you. If you got a question, by all means ask!

So until next time.....and for now you can call me "Grace".