Fathers trying to be men

I could really go on my soapbox here so let me try and lasso my words.

Have you ever wondered why you are the way you are? Especially when it comes to the faults and weaknesses you have? In almost every case it boils down to the relationship you had with your father.

There are studies that prove this! Look it up! Are you constantly seeking affection and attention and sex from others but, it only giving you a moment of gratification rather than a lifetime? You do this because of your dad or uh lack of dad! You are unconsciously trying to fill in the lack of attention and care your father was supposed to give you. And or you are doing things out of rebellion so you will get his attention. You just have never realized that is what you are doing. This list of lets say bad decisions, situations and current horrible outcomes, could go on forever but, hopefully you get the point so I am moving on.

So what is the deal with all this? Why did my father fail me? Well in a summary, no one taught him how to be a man!! In this generation our own fathers were mostly raised by fathers (your current grandpa)who took the John Wayne approach to raising and disciplining kids. There were things said such as, "Because I said so!" and "I am busy..." and as far as disciplining it was a spanking with a switch or a belt and that's it! No follow through on why or loving moment afterward saying "I hate doing this but if I didn't do this I would not be a man of my word and I love you enough to do this so you learn to make right decisions." Followed by a hug.

What I just said is completely foreign to most men. Some men were abused or God forbid taken advantage of in inappropriate ways. Some men never even had a father present or if it was like my own dad, he was present in the room but, was absent in every other aspect. There was no example of a compassionate, generous, just, merciful, unselfish and sincere man to be a copy of.

Only a man can teach a boy how to be a man!

You may have had the best mother ever but, there are things we females will always lack when it comes to raising our sons to be men.

If there could only be one parent to a child, the most vital person that child would need, boy or girl, would be their father! I have heard this from psychologists, counselors and read articles about this being true.

So studies show the following things occur when there is a deficiency in the relationship between child and father:

Promiscuity

Impulsive behavior

Addictions to: sex, alcohol, drugs, pornography..etc.

Commitment issues

A struggle with sexual identity

Narcissistic behaviour

Rages of Anger

Depression

A host of serious psychological problems that can lead to molesting others, hurting others, voyeurism etc.

Are you getting the picture yet?

So what needs to done?

Well if you are a person with any of the problems listed above I suggest you take my advice and realize that your decision making process is not normal right now. Seek brutal honesty from those closest to you and don't be in denial when you hear it. Just let it soak in and realize they love you enough to tell you and have stuck out life with you despite the issues you have. Ask them what you should do. Remember don't make that decision yourself at this point!!

Now if you are a man reading this and realize you are seriously lacking as a father, do the same thing!! Seek brutal honesty. If married, first seek it from your wife. Listen to her! She loves you and has stuck with you despite your insufficiency's. Then find the example of a man you admire and seek it from him as well. Seek mentoring so one day you can do the same!

If you don't have an admirable example around start questioning the possibility of changing your environment. Seek counseling if need be. Remember the future of your children's actions rest upon your performance as a father. Your son(s) will only mirror the examples they see!

Wives.. fight for this! Have faith in your husband! Stop nagging him and start loving him as unselfishly as you can. Tell him you appreciate him and you have no idea on what it is to be a man but, that you want him to be the best at his role, as a father and husband. Show huge amounts of forgiveness and grace with each other because your only human!